I have come to realize that most of the relationships I have in my life are fake.
My son has informed me that I was never a good mother and that he felt like I always pushed him aside. I am stunned by this accusation. From the second that boy was born I was amazed and in love with the very idea of him. He brought more joy to my life then anything ever had. My life began with him. I always put him first. I pushed him to become an independent man that wouldn't have to ever rely on anyone else. I tried my best to raise a respectful, loving person. And all of that was shot to hell with one sentence from him. I know why he said everything he said but I am having a very hard time accepting the fact that he was serious. He says horrible things out of anger...I know that...but then he always apologizes afterward. I have come to accept that part of my son. The reason he said those things to me...he wants me to babysit for his two youngest kids so he can come and go as he pleases. Which from previous posts we all know I start to shrivel up and die. Don't get me wrong...I love my son and I love those two little ones...but I don't like them. My son has made them unlikeable. They lie constantly. And they have become pretty good at it. The girl, who is 10, touches everything that doesn't belong to her. Get that child in a store and you want to scream. The boy who is 7 has to be reminded every single day of the rules. Don't jump on the couches. Don't eat in the living room. Sit down and eat over your plate. Don't bounce in the kitchen when someone is cooking. Every single day I would wake up and not want to come out of my room. Every day it was the same thing over and over. "Didn't I tell you yesterday not to do that?" and the answer...if hes not ignoring me completely..."Well you didn't tell me not to do it today." How fucking frustrating is that????? And the girl...sneaks food...all sweets and if you say something to her she runs to daddy and says "Gramma is being mean to me." What does daddy do? Yells at Gramma right in front of the kid, for telling his overweight daughter that sneaking food is not what we do. He yells and says shes allowed to have whatever she wants. Come on. The kid is 10 and weighs 112 pounds. She got a ton of candy hidden in her room. And the horrible list goes on and on. My son treats his 16 year old son like a redheaded step child. He can't go anywhere half the time and the other half hes being told hes a retard. Hes lazy. Hes slow. Hes got his mothers brains. I have watched this happen since he moved in with his father. I have tried to say something but my son overtalks you. Its a one sided conversation. AND...its his way or the highway...I chose the highway and got accused of abandoning him. HUH!!!! Hes 38 years old...how the hell did I abandon him??? The more I look at the situation I realize that I have had blinders on for the last 10 years. My son is an asshole and he has been for a long time. He uses people till they are used up and then he throws them away. Its very hurtful and my heart is broken in a million little pieces and I don't think it can ever be fixed.
And then I find out that a relationship that was rocky already is now shot all to hell because she said something that she didn't know I could hear. So now she can kiss my ass. She says rotten shit behind my back. She doesn't know me to be saying that I exaggerate. She has no idea what is happening at my sons house and then to say that I am exaggerating it. How the hell can she say I am exaggerating??? She didn't live there!!! I DID!!! So I will maintain the relationship with her because I have a nephew I haven't met yet and my brother. I will try to visit when she is at work. I want to slap the shit out of her is what I really want to do.
So...when you have a relationship with someone you can't trust that they are being honest with you. They don't have the balls to say to your face what they say behind your back. If I don't like someone...I DO NOT HANG AROUND THEM!!! I don't smile in their face and talk crap behind their backs. I just don't deal with them. Why bother. It too tiring to have to remember to smile in their faces. UGH!!!
My son has informed me that I was never a good mother and that he felt like I always pushed him aside. I am stunned by this accusation. From the second that boy was born I was amazed and in love with the very idea of him. He brought more joy to my life then anything ever had. My life began with him. I always put him first. I pushed him to become an independent man that wouldn't have to ever rely on anyone else. I tried my best to raise a respectful, loving person. And all of that was shot to hell with one sentence from him. I know why he said everything he said but I am having a very hard time accepting the fact that he was serious. He says horrible things out of anger...I know that...but then he always apologizes afterward. I have come to accept that part of my son. The reason he said those things to me...he wants me to babysit for his two youngest kids so he can come and go as he pleases. Which from previous posts we all know I start to shrivel up and die. Don't get me wrong...I love my son and I love those two little ones...but I don't like them. My son has made them unlikeable. They lie constantly. And they have become pretty good at it. The girl, who is 10, touches everything that doesn't belong to her. Get that child in a store and you want to scream. The boy who is 7 has to be reminded every single day of the rules. Don't jump on the couches. Don't eat in the living room. Sit down and eat over your plate. Don't bounce in the kitchen when someone is cooking. Every single day I would wake up and not want to come out of my room. Every day it was the same thing over and over. "Didn't I tell you yesterday not to do that?" and the answer...if hes not ignoring me completely..."Well you didn't tell me not to do it today." How fucking frustrating is that????? And the girl...sneaks food...all sweets and if you say something to her she runs to daddy and says "Gramma is being mean to me." What does daddy do? Yells at Gramma right in front of the kid, for telling his overweight daughter that sneaking food is not what we do. He yells and says shes allowed to have whatever she wants. Come on. The kid is 10 and weighs 112 pounds. She got a ton of candy hidden in her room. And the horrible list goes on and on. My son treats his 16 year old son like a redheaded step child. He can't go anywhere half the time and the other half hes being told hes a retard. Hes lazy. Hes slow. Hes got his mothers brains. I have watched this happen since he moved in with his father. I have tried to say something but my son overtalks you. Its a one sided conversation. AND...its his way or the highway...I chose the highway and got accused of abandoning him. HUH!!!! Hes 38 years old...how the hell did I abandon him??? The more I look at the situation I realize that I have had blinders on for the last 10 years. My son is an asshole and he has been for a long time. He uses people till they are used up and then he throws them away. Its very hurtful and my heart is broken in a million little pieces and I don't think it can ever be fixed.
And then I find out that a relationship that was rocky already is now shot all to hell because she said something that she didn't know I could hear. So now she can kiss my ass. She says rotten shit behind my back. She doesn't know me to be saying that I exaggerate. She has no idea what is happening at my sons house and then to say that I am exaggerating it. How the hell can she say I am exaggerating??? She didn't live there!!! I DID!!! So I will maintain the relationship with her because I have a nephew I haven't met yet and my brother. I will try to visit when she is at work. I want to slap the shit out of her is what I really want to do.
So...when you have a relationship with someone you can't trust that they are being honest with you. They don't have the balls to say to your face what they say behind your back. If I don't like someone...I DO NOT HANG AROUND THEM!!! I don't smile in their face and talk crap behind their backs. I just don't deal with them. Why bother. It too tiring to have to remember to smile in their faces. UGH!!!
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