On April 24, 2012 I had to do the most heartbreaking thing I have ever done. I put my Ruby to sleep. She has hystiocytoma (sp?) Cancer. She had cancer. And it took her down in about 2 months. The cancer was ruthless. She stopped eating so on her last day before I took her to the vet I gave her boiled hamburger and rice and gravy. She ate sausage. She had boiled turkey and rice and she went to the park and laid in the sun. I took her to the vet and then couldn't stay with her. They gave her stuff to make her sleep and that's how I saw her last. Sleeping peacefully.
I miss her so much. She was so smart. She could bow on command. She would hide her head on command. She spoke on command. She snuggled with me all the time. She slept on my bed for 13 years. I haven't moved her bed off my bed yet because I feel like I might be betraying her if I do. I haven't moved her food bowl off the counter because I just can't. I got her ashes back and I cry every time I look at them. I have a picture of her beside my bed and first thing in the morning I say 'good morning baby girl'....I didn't know I could love something as much as I loved her. My heart is still broken in a million little pieces and I'm not sure what it's going to take to get it to heal.
Good-bye my Ruby...I miss you. September 1, 1999-April 24, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
My eyelid is twitching...
I have had this damn twitch for two weeks now and it's driving me nuts. If I cough or sneeze it goes into over-drive. Normally it doesn't bother me unless I am getting ready to go and get the kids. YES---I am back to babysitting :-( Anyway I am so tired of this thing twitching that I looked up the cause on the internet! *word to the wise* never self diagnose. Anyway I looked it up and it says that it can be caused by stress. Now there's a revelation...lmao Now here's the funny part..."In most cases, eyelid twitch goes away on its own with rest or removal of irritating factors." I would say that the "irritating factors" would be none other than my grandkids. I was trying to think of some way to remove them. LOL Quite a few options came to mind. None that didn't involve going to jail for though.
The youngest is a genius. LOL Go figure! But here's the problem...no discipline. None that's consistent anyway. He throws fits that normally would be a 2 year olds job. On the floor kicking and screaming. I ignore that. But the part I can't ignore is the constant repeating. Here's an example: He will ask at 7:30 on a school night if he can watch a movie when he goes to bed at 8. I say NO. He then says "Why can't I watch a movie." immediately after I say no. He knows why he can't but that doesn't stop him. So stupid me explains why. That should have given any 8 year old genius the answer right? WRONG....or maybe right! But that doesn't stop this kid from saying "Why can't I watch a movie" over 100 times. And you might think OMG she's exaggerating right there. NO I'm not. It's probably more but my brain is working on another level. "How can I shut this kid up?" So I might have missed a few of the "Why can't I watch a movie?" comments coupled with the whiniest voice you ever heard. And of course on the floor kicking his feet.
Now this is what happens to me. I can feel the blood pressure rising so I try to shut off the whining which is almost impossible because that kid is right in front of me. I don't look at him because if I do I am going to lose my mind. So what does he do! OMG He starts screaming it. And if you ask him why he does that....the answer makes me want to slap my son silly....he says because I want you to say yes. My son gives in after the first few why's and then the kid learns that if he does that he gets his way...well not on my watch. I am very consistent...if I say NO it actually means NO, end of story. Or it should be. But not with the 8 year old.
When all this began way back in 2009, I ended up taking Welbutrin. I moved out of that house and away from those kids and I got off the Welbutrin. Stupid me agreed to watch the kids while my son goes to work 120 miles away. He comes home on the weekends and on thursday. Otherwise me and the oldest grandchild watches them. I usually pick them up at 1pm and keep them till 5pm when I take them back home. I stay there until 7 or 7:30 then I come home...that's summer hours. School hours is I go up there at 7am and take them to school. then I come back at 7pm and make sure they go to bed on time. I leave at 8:30.
Granted the youngest isn't bad all the time but when he is...it makes you forget anything good about him.
I have just turned in my second book at the publishers and I am going to write another one and turn that one in. But let me tell you...as soon as I start making money off these books I am moving to Ohio. There is no way I am going to spend the last of my life in this kind of situation. Pretty soon I will have all kinds of tics and twitches...then what?
The youngest is a genius. LOL Go figure! But here's the problem...no discipline. None that's consistent anyway. He throws fits that normally would be a 2 year olds job. On the floor kicking and screaming. I ignore that. But the part I can't ignore is the constant repeating. Here's an example: He will ask at 7:30 on a school night if he can watch a movie when he goes to bed at 8. I say NO. He then says "Why can't I watch a movie." immediately after I say no. He knows why he can't but that doesn't stop him. So stupid me explains why. That should have given any 8 year old genius the answer right? WRONG....or maybe right! But that doesn't stop this kid from saying "Why can't I watch a movie" over 100 times. And you might think OMG she's exaggerating right there. NO I'm not. It's probably more but my brain is working on another level. "How can I shut this kid up?" So I might have missed a few of the "Why can't I watch a movie?" comments coupled with the whiniest voice you ever heard. And of course on the floor kicking his feet.
Now this is what happens to me. I can feel the blood pressure rising so I try to shut off the whining which is almost impossible because that kid is right in front of me. I don't look at him because if I do I am going to lose my mind. So what does he do! OMG He starts screaming it. And if you ask him why he does that....the answer makes me want to slap my son silly....he says because I want you to say yes. My son gives in after the first few why's and then the kid learns that if he does that he gets his way...well not on my watch. I am very consistent...if I say NO it actually means NO, end of story. Or it should be. But not with the 8 year old.
When all this began way back in 2009, I ended up taking Welbutrin. I moved out of that house and away from those kids and I got off the Welbutrin. Stupid me agreed to watch the kids while my son goes to work 120 miles away. He comes home on the weekends and on thursday. Otherwise me and the oldest grandchild watches them. I usually pick them up at 1pm and keep them till 5pm when I take them back home. I stay there until 7 or 7:30 then I come home...that's summer hours. School hours is I go up there at 7am and take them to school. then I come back at 7pm and make sure they go to bed on time. I leave at 8:30.
Granted the youngest isn't bad all the time but when he is...it makes you forget anything good about him.
I have just turned in my second book at the publishers and I am going to write another one and turn that one in. But let me tell you...as soon as I start making money off these books I am moving to Ohio. There is no way I am going to spend the last of my life in this kind of situation. Pretty soon I will have all kinds of tics and twitches...then what?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Still STUCK! And it SUCKS!
Well, another of my bad choices, which I seem to have a lot of, is becoming THE worst choice of all. Or maybe I am just sick and tired of the bullsh!t...
I live with my ex and now that I have a clear picture of him...what the heck was I thinking? Was I that hard up that I would go out with this guy? He's a pig. He's disgusting and he's making me become a germ-a-phobe! I have never seen anything like it. Instead of going into detail...lets just say that his end of the house smells like dog pee and poop. Its so disgusting that I have thought I might just climb in and out of the window just so I don't have to go into that part of the house to get outside. I thought one of those slides the airline uses to have passengers leave the plane when they can't use the extendable hallways they pull up to. You know the slides I am talking about. They look like those huge blow up ones at the carnival. I thought it would be easy on me to get out the window if I had one of those. I had to scratch that idea because my window is only three feet off the ground AND how would I get back in once I was out? Then I thought just make something to step on and step back in when I wanted to. I had to scratch that idea as well. How am I going to get a 115 pound dog to come out the window when I can't even get her into the tub for a bath? OK...so...I have to suck it up and walk through the stinky house. And this guy does not smell a thing. HUH? Can't smell it? Well I guess he got used to it and now the smell doesn't bother him. But still...EWWW!
I have decided how I can deal with this stinky problem...I am moving to OHIO! As soon as my books start making money I am gone baby gone! I need my own place where I am not afraid to touch anything in the kitchen because its so disgustingly filthy. You might say...so clean it yourself...well I did. I cleaned it and bleached it and had it sparkling! He came home and it took him all of 10 minutes to mess it up. I cleaned it again when it got to a point where I couldn't stand it anymore and sure enough he messed it up AGAIN!!!! SO!!! No more cleaning up after someone who just doesn't care if he lives in filth! I decided to get out for good. I will pack up and leave and I'm not telling anyone where I live. They might follow me again and I am too old to try and run away after this. I ran away before and my ex followed me and then my son and two of his kids and then his oldest came a year after he did. The only good thing that came out of all this...my oldest grandson lives with me now. He's 17 and as soon as he turns 18 he is going back home. He wants gone as much as I do. So we are going to run away together and he is going to his home state and I am going to a new state where no one knows me. I have a friend(sister) who I have never met face to face and her and I have been planning this move for a few months now. I can't wait to get out of here. I will have my own place again. Something I haven't had since 2007 and believe me this is getting old real fast.
I guess you could say I was on a countdown. I just have to work my butt off writing and when the money comes...adios---see ya---bye bye! I'm going into hiding and even if they torture me I will never tell them where I am.
I live with my ex and now that I have a clear picture of him...what the heck was I thinking? Was I that hard up that I would go out with this guy? He's a pig. He's disgusting and he's making me become a germ-a-phobe! I have never seen anything like it. Instead of going into detail...lets just say that his end of the house smells like dog pee and poop. Its so disgusting that I have thought I might just climb in and out of the window just so I don't have to go into that part of the house to get outside. I thought one of those slides the airline uses to have passengers leave the plane when they can't use the extendable hallways they pull up to. You know the slides I am talking about. They look like those huge blow up ones at the carnival. I thought it would be easy on me to get out the window if I had one of those. I had to scratch that idea because my window is only three feet off the ground AND how would I get back in once I was out? Then I thought just make something to step on and step back in when I wanted to. I had to scratch that idea as well. How am I going to get a 115 pound dog to come out the window when I can't even get her into the tub for a bath? OK...so...I have to suck it up and walk through the stinky house. And this guy does not smell a thing. HUH? Can't smell it? Well I guess he got used to it and now the smell doesn't bother him. But still...EWWW!
I have decided how I can deal with this stinky problem...I am moving to OHIO! As soon as my books start making money I am gone baby gone! I need my own place where I am not afraid to touch anything in the kitchen because its so disgustingly filthy. You might say...so clean it yourself...well I did. I cleaned it and bleached it and had it sparkling! He came home and it took him all of 10 minutes to mess it up. I cleaned it again when it got to a point where I couldn't stand it anymore and sure enough he messed it up AGAIN!!!! SO!!! No more cleaning up after someone who just doesn't care if he lives in filth! I decided to get out for good. I will pack up and leave and I'm not telling anyone where I live. They might follow me again and I am too old to try and run away after this. I ran away before and my ex followed me and then my son and two of his kids and then his oldest came a year after he did. The only good thing that came out of all this...my oldest grandson lives with me now. He's 17 and as soon as he turns 18 he is going back home. He wants gone as much as I do. So we are going to run away together and he is going to his home state and I am going to a new state where no one knows me. I have a friend(sister) who I have never met face to face and her and I have been planning this move for a few months now. I can't wait to get out of here. I will have my own place again. Something I haven't had since 2007 and believe me this is getting old real fast.
I guess you could say I was on a countdown. I just have to work my butt off writing and when the money comes...adios---see ya---bye bye! I'm going into hiding and even if they torture me I will never tell them where I am.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Big Wheel
I've decided to rev up the old Big Wheel and get the heck out of Dodge! I need someone to take shotgun! I can't make this trip all by myself!
Picture this...56 year old Gramma...helmet tightly affixed to her head. Elbow and knee pads in place...just in case there might be an accident! Wouldn't want to skin up the bendable parts! Trailer hooked to the back and a cup holder for any drinks I may have during this wild excursion...LOL I may take up drinking the occasional beer or Snake Bite...ah hell I am just going to paper bag it. Wait!!! Ewww...Wild Irish Rose from a paper bag sounds disgusting!!! Scratch the alcoholic beverages. Sidecar for my dogs...helmets for them too. Safety first! Oh yeah...and goggles to keep the bugs out of our eyes! And that sidecar is going to have to be able to fit two very large dogs. One weighs 115 pounds and the other weighs 70. I could have them on leashes and let them trot along beside me for the exercise! But I am still going to need that sidecar. I might just put a harness on the Rottweiler and make her pull a little bit. And if she does that then I will need a place to sleep so I definitely need that sidecar! Wait...I won't be able to sleep...no way...if she should see a butterfly or a discarded plastic bag blowing in the wind then we are going to end up in a ditch. She is afraid of plastic bags flying around! I can just imagine what they look like to her...lol...great big, huge, monstrous bugs that might get her. She is too funny!
We're ready to hit the pavement. I am going to sight see around the country and get the hell away from all the drama in my life. Everyone seems to think that its OK to either yell at me, ignore me when I talk to them or take all their anger out on me. I don't want to deal with their crap anymore so its me, the dogs and my Big Wheel! ROAD TRIP!!! I think I will go see my friend in California first! Then off to Canada! Then to Connecticut! And then to Ohio. And thats where I am going to stay! Do you think there will be any plastic left on the wheels??? LOL Should I bring spares? We can stay at campgrounds and then head out the next morning...early...chasing the sun as it peeks above the tree tops! Wind blowing in my hair...oh crap...I have to go back and get my helmet! Shoot I knew I forgot something! Off to plan my Big Wheel Road Trip!!! :o)
Picture this...56 year old Gramma...helmet tightly affixed to her head. Elbow and knee pads in place...just in case there might be an accident! Wouldn't want to skin up the bendable parts! Trailer hooked to the back and a cup holder for any drinks I may have during this wild excursion...LOL I may take up drinking the occasional beer or Snake Bite...ah hell I am just going to paper bag it. Wait!!! Ewww...Wild Irish Rose from a paper bag sounds disgusting!!! Scratch the alcoholic beverages. Sidecar for my dogs...helmets for them too. Safety first! Oh yeah...and goggles to keep the bugs out of our eyes! And that sidecar is going to have to be able to fit two very large dogs. One weighs 115 pounds and the other weighs 70. I could have them on leashes and let them trot along beside me for the exercise! But I am still going to need that sidecar. I might just put a harness on the Rottweiler and make her pull a little bit. And if she does that then I will need a place to sleep so I definitely need that sidecar! Wait...I won't be able to sleep...no way...if she should see a butterfly or a discarded plastic bag blowing in the wind then we are going to end up in a ditch. She is afraid of plastic bags flying around! I can just imagine what they look like to her...lol...great big, huge, monstrous bugs that might get her. She is too funny!
We're ready to hit the pavement. I am going to sight see around the country and get the hell away from all the drama in my life. Everyone seems to think that its OK to either yell at me, ignore me when I talk to them or take all their anger out on me. I don't want to deal with their crap anymore so its me, the dogs and my Big Wheel! ROAD TRIP!!! I think I will go see my friend in California first! Then off to Canada! Then to Connecticut! And then to Ohio. And thats where I am going to stay! Do you think there will be any plastic left on the wheels??? LOL Should I bring spares? We can stay at campgrounds and then head out the next morning...early...chasing the sun as it peeks above the tree tops! Wind blowing in my hair...oh crap...I have to go back and get my helmet! Shoot I knew I forgot something! Off to plan my Big Wheel Road Trip!!! :o)
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Living in the "In-between"
Thats where I am right now...In the IN-BETWEEN
The in between is in the middle of a very painful moment in your life and the final outcome of the healing.
I am in the in between of something my son has done to me. A few words from him has started an avalanche of emotions that I thought were secure in their places in my heart. I was sadly mistaken. We spend our lives creating relationships with various people and when the relationship has become one that we see as concrete we place it safely in our hearts. I have begun to question all of my relationships. And as painful as it is to do...I have eliminated people from my life. I have kept the people that I know are true friends...they are there no matter what. They give you the support you need to make it through the horrible times. Their words...their phone calls...their posts on the social networks are all appreciated. They proved their friendship when I needed it. Their place in my heart is rock solid.
I used to think that all my relationships were like that...but now I see that they aren't and I have to do what makes me happy and to hell with everyone else.
The in-between has engulfed me with a vengeance. What I thought was a solid relationship, was NOT! And there have been many after that that I have found to be fickle. Fair weather friends and family. Liars. Now I wonder who is lying and who is telling the truth.
My son seems to have lied his entire life. Either that or hes a damn alien thats taken over my true sons body...which we all know is not true so he is a liar. There is the possibility that he has gone mental. And I am leaning heavily toward that possibility!
My brothers wife has made me question myself and how people see me. I actually had to ask someone or three...if I was like she was saying I was. Thats all part of the in-between. Questioning your personality. Questioning you mental stability. It sucks here in the in-between. Its a dark and lonely place where you are so alone and alienated. And all because someone chose to hurl hateful words at you. Someone you loved with all your heart and never ever expected anything like this to happen.
I don't know how long I will be living in the in-between. But I know that when I finally make it out...watch out people because I will be stronger then when I went in. These are the kinds of things that give us strength. the hurt and pain helps to build the walls that protect us from more hurt and pain that so called loved ones like to dish out.
I will re build my walls and this time...there won't be any way to hurt me.
And the terrible thing about all this...they lose. I know what kind of person I am and will be when the in-between releases me.
The in between is in the middle of a very painful moment in your life and the final outcome of the healing.
I am in the in between of something my son has done to me. A few words from him has started an avalanche of emotions that I thought were secure in their places in my heart. I was sadly mistaken. We spend our lives creating relationships with various people and when the relationship has become one that we see as concrete we place it safely in our hearts. I have begun to question all of my relationships. And as painful as it is to do...I have eliminated people from my life. I have kept the people that I know are true friends...they are there no matter what. They give you the support you need to make it through the horrible times. Their words...their phone calls...their posts on the social networks are all appreciated. They proved their friendship when I needed it. Their place in my heart is rock solid.
I used to think that all my relationships were like that...but now I see that they aren't and I have to do what makes me happy and to hell with everyone else.
The in-between has engulfed me with a vengeance. What I thought was a solid relationship, was NOT! And there have been many after that that I have found to be fickle. Fair weather friends and family. Liars. Now I wonder who is lying and who is telling the truth.
My son seems to have lied his entire life. Either that or hes a damn alien thats taken over my true sons body...which we all know is not true so he is a liar. There is the possibility that he has gone mental. And I am leaning heavily toward that possibility!
My brothers wife has made me question myself and how people see me. I actually had to ask someone or three...if I was like she was saying I was. Thats all part of the in-between. Questioning your personality. Questioning you mental stability. It sucks here in the in-between. Its a dark and lonely place where you are so alone and alienated. And all because someone chose to hurl hateful words at you. Someone you loved with all your heart and never ever expected anything like this to happen.
I don't know how long I will be living in the in-between. But I know that when I finally make it out...watch out people because I will be stronger then when I went in. These are the kinds of things that give us strength. the hurt and pain helps to build the walls that protect us from more hurt and pain that so called loved ones like to dish out.
I will re build my walls and this time...there won't be any way to hurt me.
And the terrible thing about all this...they lose. I know what kind of person I am and will be when the in-between releases me.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
The End of The World Today!!!
So today was the end of the world! From the looks of things its not exactly the end...either that or people just don't know yet!!! LOL Shhh...I'm not telling them.
So they announced that today was going to be (because they said it yesterday) the end of the world.
When your brain hears that it does a strange thing...it kicks in to survival mode! So last night after I heard this news I went and ate ice cream---its forbidden, (my cholesterol is high) I figured what the hell, tomorrow is the end anyway, my cholesterol won't give a sh*t tomorrow will it! And then I ate a piece of cake...oh how I have missed cake! I watched MONK only to have the ending scrambled by the gazillion little digital pixels that hold my tv captive. I figured what the hell, do I really need to see the ending??? Tomorrows the end of the world so the end of MONK wasn't so important after all! Then I put on my headphones and turned on the iPod. I figured it I was at the end I might as well enjoy myself. I turned on Adele and put it on repeat and fell asleep. WELL!!!! I woke up this morning with the headphones twisted around my neck and the iPod hanging off the side of the bed. If it wasn't so light it definitely would have been my end because my headphones cord was strangling me. LOL I got up and took the dogs out to pee. Came back in and made a cup of tea and took my vitamins. Then I started thinking...hmmm...maybe the end hasn't arrived yet so I grabbed my phone and opened the web. I'm gonna check Facebook to see how many of my friends made it through the night. Facebook won't open and now my power has gone out. LOL My brain says to me in a whisper, "This is it. This is the end." I won't listen...my brain is a fickle bitch! LOL As I sit by the window drinking my tea I can hear cars going past. I think, "They don't know its the end, I wonder where they are going." Now I'm wondering if its going to take a long time for the world to just shut down. Like turning off the lights. One house at a time. Somehow I think all this is funny and I don't feel the need to...as my friend put it...tie up loose ends. I'm just going to sit here and wait for the end to come. Weird but I think 2 years ago I would have freaked out a little if I had heard this because I had just been reunited with my grandson. I have heard at least 20 times that on a certain day the world would end. I'd think...Is it true? But then forget about it. 3 years ago is when I would have been newly reunited with my son and his two youngest. And then his oldest a year later. But today the only one of them I speak to is my sons oldest boy. AND THEN...God must have changed her mind because the power turned back on and the cool breeze from the fan washed over me.
I think I will start living each day like its my last. No more letting anyone stress me out because I know that once I am gone who gives a crap what everyone else is doing. I can't control anything around me except me.
SO...today is the only day that matters!
So they announced that today was going to be (because they said it yesterday) the end of the world.
When your brain hears that it does a strange thing...it kicks in to survival mode! So last night after I heard this news I went and ate ice cream---its forbidden, (my cholesterol is high) I figured what the hell, tomorrow is the end anyway, my cholesterol won't give a sh*t tomorrow will it! And then I ate a piece of cake...oh how I have missed cake! I watched MONK only to have the ending scrambled by the gazillion little digital pixels that hold my tv captive. I figured what the hell, do I really need to see the ending??? Tomorrows the end of the world so the end of MONK wasn't so important after all! Then I put on my headphones and turned on the iPod. I figured it I was at the end I might as well enjoy myself. I turned on Adele and put it on repeat and fell asleep. WELL!!!! I woke up this morning with the headphones twisted around my neck and the iPod hanging off the side of the bed. If it wasn't so light it definitely would have been my end because my headphones cord was strangling me. LOL I got up and took the dogs out to pee. Came back in and made a cup of tea and took my vitamins. Then I started thinking...hmmm...maybe the end hasn't arrived yet so I grabbed my phone and opened the web. I'm gonna check Facebook to see how many of my friends made it through the night. Facebook won't open and now my power has gone out. LOL My brain says to me in a whisper, "This is it. This is the end." I won't listen...my brain is a fickle bitch! LOL As I sit by the window drinking my tea I can hear cars going past. I think, "They don't know its the end, I wonder where they are going." Now I'm wondering if its going to take a long time for the world to just shut down. Like turning off the lights. One house at a time. Somehow I think all this is funny and I don't feel the need to...as my friend put it...tie up loose ends. I'm just going to sit here and wait for the end to come. Weird but I think 2 years ago I would have freaked out a little if I had heard this because I had just been reunited with my grandson. I have heard at least 20 times that on a certain day the world would end. I'd think...Is it true? But then forget about it. 3 years ago is when I would have been newly reunited with my son and his two youngest. And then his oldest a year later. But today the only one of them I speak to is my sons oldest boy. AND THEN...God must have changed her mind because the power turned back on and the cool breeze from the fan washed over me.
I think I will start living each day like its my last. No more letting anyone stress me out because I know that once I am gone who gives a crap what everyone else is doing. I can't control anything around me except me.
SO...today is the only day that matters!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Burning Bridges
I learned early on in my life that if you are lucky enough to make a true friend then you do everything within your power to hang on to that friend. You maintain an open and honest relationship with that person that you were lucky enough to find. You treat them with respect.
I know its hard to tell at first if the person is a true friend or a fly by night sort of person. Give it about a month and you will know. Its damn near impossible to hide your true self for an entire month unless you only see them occasionally. Those that pass the test of friendship are rare and special. So it is in your best interest to treat them like you want them to treat you...that sounds fair enough...right?
Then there is family. UGH! You don't get to choose them, they're just presented to you by birth, whether it be your own birth to a mother and father or the birth of a sibling. To be born into dysfunction is the normal occurrence in todays society. And by today I mean within the last 40 years. Somehow the family unit has fallen apart. My opinion on that subject would be the massive amounts of drugs that went into the systems of the children of the 60's. Then those idiots somehow thought that to spank a child or make them behave or teach them manners would somehow ruin their psyche in some irreparable way. But this is another story altogether!!! OR maybe this is the reason so many people BURN BRIDGES! Back to Burning Bridges.
Now I have told you what I personally believe about finding a true friend and keeping them. Now I will tell you what I have seen others do. They meet people, not with the idea that this could be a true friend but with the sick idea of "how can I use this person to benefit myself". They think these people have something they want or need. And I believe these types of people far outweigh people like me. And if these kinds of people are your family then you're stuck with an asshole until you can get away from them for good. If its your sibling then you have to wait till one of you leaves the house and gets away from them. And hopefully one of these people won't be your own child because to walk away and turn your back on your child is a devastating act that kills part of your soul. Every single day you think about it and it kills you off a tiny piece at a time. A slow crippling death! These are the people who burn bridges. Its not a quick process but slow like I said. I picture these people standing in the middle of their bridge, each side a small fire at first and then as they use up each person in their life the fire gets bigger and bigger until they are all alone standing in the middle of that bridge.
Some of these people don't care at all that the fire thats burning at the ends of their bridges were fueled with the bodies of the people they hurt. But then you have the people who are just plain stupid and don't know whats happening. Always wondering why someone doesn't want to talk to them or be around them anymore. Those are the ones who live in their tiny bubbles and never see anyone for who they really are. Those are the ones that are more dangerous then the ones who don't give a shit that they hurt you in the first place. Those are the ones that somehow make up in their own stupid heads what your life is like and then when you tell them different...they say you exaggerate or make things up. They don't see what you live because they can't see past their own noses anyway. They pass judgment based on their twisted perception of your life. They can't see the forest for the trees. Making them eliminate themselves from your list of possible candidates for the coveted role of true friend.
So...from my analogy of burning bridges...there are two ways to do the actual burning. One---use people until they have nothing left to give and Two---be too stupid to see the person for who they are. I am sure there are plenty more ways to burn bridges but I think these two are plenty. The final outcome is basically the same. Your feelings get hurt and you get wounded. Scars form and your skin gets a little thicker. An invisible barrier set in place so the next asshole doesn't do so much damage
I know its hard to tell at first if the person is a true friend or a fly by night sort of person. Give it about a month and you will know. Its damn near impossible to hide your true self for an entire month unless you only see them occasionally. Those that pass the test of friendship are rare and special. So it is in your best interest to treat them like you want them to treat you...that sounds fair enough...right?
Then there is family. UGH! You don't get to choose them, they're just presented to you by birth, whether it be your own birth to a mother and father or the birth of a sibling. To be born into dysfunction is the normal occurrence in todays society. And by today I mean within the last 40 years. Somehow the family unit has fallen apart. My opinion on that subject would be the massive amounts of drugs that went into the systems of the children of the 60's. Then those idiots somehow thought that to spank a child or make them behave or teach them manners would somehow ruin their psyche in some irreparable way. But this is another story altogether!!! OR maybe this is the reason so many people BURN BRIDGES! Back to Burning Bridges.
Now I have told you what I personally believe about finding a true friend and keeping them. Now I will tell you what I have seen others do. They meet people, not with the idea that this could be a true friend but with the sick idea of "how can I use this person to benefit myself". They think these people have something they want or need. And I believe these types of people far outweigh people like me. And if these kinds of people are your family then you're stuck with an asshole until you can get away from them for good. If its your sibling then you have to wait till one of you leaves the house and gets away from them. And hopefully one of these people won't be your own child because to walk away and turn your back on your child is a devastating act that kills part of your soul. Every single day you think about it and it kills you off a tiny piece at a time. A slow crippling death! These are the people who burn bridges. Its not a quick process but slow like I said. I picture these people standing in the middle of their bridge, each side a small fire at first and then as they use up each person in their life the fire gets bigger and bigger until they are all alone standing in the middle of that bridge.
Some of these people don't care at all that the fire thats burning at the ends of their bridges were fueled with the bodies of the people they hurt. But then you have the people who are just plain stupid and don't know whats happening. Always wondering why someone doesn't want to talk to them or be around them anymore. Those are the ones who live in their tiny bubbles and never see anyone for who they really are. Those are the ones that are more dangerous then the ones who don't give a shit that they hurt you in the first place. Those are the ones that somehow make up in their own stupid heads what your life is like and then when you tell them different...they say you exaggerate or make things up. They don't see what you live because they can't see past their own noses anyway. They pass judgment based on their twisted perception of your life. They can't see the forest for the trees. Making them eliminate themselves from your list of possible candidates for the coveted role of true friend.
So...from my analogy of burning bridges...there are two ways to do the actual burning. One---use people until they have nothing left to give and Two---be too stupid to see the person for who they are. I am sure there are plenty more ways to burn bridges but I think these two are plenty. The final outcome is basically the same. Your feelings get hurt and you get wounded. Scars form and your skin gets a little thicker. An invisible barrier set in place so the next asshole doesn't do so much damage
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